Tuesday morning. It wasn’t my best morning, mainly because Monday had not been one of my best days.
I had finished the day replaying its moments in my mind and was not impressed. I had not chosen well. Throughout the day, I had missed moments with my kids because I was distracted by other things. Accomplishing some things, it ended up being more of a day of chasing my tail, doing little unimportant things instead of the big things.
I had lost my focus on Him and had become focused on stuff. As I finished the day, I was tired. But more than that, I was weary.
I slept, thankful that when I woke up I could start over.
Then, there was Tuesday morning. Instead of starting my day optimistically, I had a nice replay in my brain of Monday. Not pretty.
Where did I end up in about two seconds flat?
I ended up wallowing. That’s right, wallowing in the sin of “not enough.” I remembered the day before and started feeling like I am not enough for my kids, not enough for my husband, not enough for my friends, not enough for the other things I was for sure God had called me to do. I was simply not enough.
You may be expecting me to tell you how I was encouraged by a friend or comforted by the Holy Spirit during my quiet time. Not quite.
As I wallowed, reality was a compassionate God who said, “That’s right, Kori. You’re not enough. That’s the point.”
I had not necessarily chosen well the day before. There had been many other days that were the same way, and no doubt there would be many more. I struggle with balancing priorities, consistently choosing well, and managing my time. I also am challenged by my personal expectation of perfection in myself.
I am human. Paul knew this struggle well – having a heart’s desire to do well and still coming up short. We all struggle with this very thing.
For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17 So now I am no longer the one doing it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. 19 For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but it is the sin that lives in me. (Romans 7:15-20)
My God, in His grace and compassion, reminded me again that it is not about me at all. It’s about Him–forever. Paul got this part too.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
His grace is sufficient. His power is perfected in weakness. Thank goodness.
You know what’s crazy? This was all in a Tuesday morning. Don’t tell me it doesn’t happen to you.